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Stages of Abuse
Sexual abuse usually occurs in stages. An offender normally "grooms" the victim, recruiting him or her through good observation and knowledge. An offender might groom his or her victim by giving gifts, taking the victim on special trips, or spending special time with the victim. This seduction of sorts sets up the offense, and then the offender molests or offends the child. Depending on the coercion and satisfaction achieved, the offender might break off the relationship and move onto a new victim. Understanding this process is one of the first ways that children can become better at stopping abuse before it occurs. If a child ever feels weird or uncomfortable about an adult, or if parents sense a lack of comfortableness in their child, they must trust their instincts!
Some factors that contribute to the various stages of abuse include these:
- The sexual contact arises from a relationship involving immense trust on the part of the child and parents.
- In the case of clerical sexual abuse, the child is extraordinarily vulnerable in that he or she sees the priest as an agent of God.
- Because an affectionate relationship often precedes the sexual contact, the child feels that he or she has a very special relationship with the abuser.
- The child feels an incredible sense of helplessness. Most abused children feel either responsible for the abuse's occurring or so powerless that they think they cannot disclose the abuse to their parents or to anyone else.
- Such secrecy surrounds the abuse that disclosure is inhibited. The abuser may even make threats to keep the child silent, allowing the abuser to continue violating the child.
- Criminal and civil complaints indicate that alcohol is a major agent in the seduction process. The offender introduces alcohol to the dynamics of the relationship so that the sexual encounters are less stressful for both the abuser and the victim.
To initiate any training, education, or discussion regarding sexual abuse, use a common language and a common vocabulary. Equally important is the need for all Church leaders to understand the full scope of the kind of abuse an innocent child might endure under the power and influence of an adult offender. One of the most common bits of advice that children need to hear is that they are the only ones who determine what is safe and sacred in their world. You must encourage all children to trust their instincts, and you must provide safe ways and opportunities for young people to talk about their feelings.
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The official site of the Diocese of Bismarck, North Dakota
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