When Paxtyn Steckler went in for a prenatal doctor’s appointment, she and her husband Zach received some deeply troubling news.
“I was eight weeks along, and the doctors told us things weren't looking good at all,” Paxtyn said. “They soon told me that our baby wouldn't even make it to the second trimester because his organs were growing outside of his body, etc. Our baby, Maximilian Pio Steckler, ended up surviving until he was 36 weeks along. In April of 2018, he died in the delivery room after being baptized and confirmed by my brother, Fr. Jadyn Nelson.”
However, thanks to God's amazing grace, the Stecklers were able to bring great good out of the trauma they endured. Their excruciating situation gave them the opportunity to stand up courageously for the Gospel of Life.
“The whole situation gave us a way to testify to our Catholic beliefs,” Paxtyn said. “Sadly, the doctors gave us multiple chances to abort him. We were very upset that they even suggested it, and we declined it every time. We believe that we were chosen to protect our son. We never even had to talk about what to do—we never even considered abortion as an option. Every unborn baby does matter, and should be valued.”
Furthermore, the suffering they went through ultimately led to the founding of a beautiful new ministry in our diocese named “Max's Mission.” This ministry reaches out to parents in our diocese who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. Its members assembled care packages to be distributed to grieving parents, which includes items such as: a notebook, blanket, framed picture of the Blessed Mother with Jesus in her womb, tissues, teddy bear, and folder of pastoral information about what to do during times of loss. Each priest in our diocese has been informed about Max's Mission, and every parish has received a care package to keep on hand.
The ministry is currently coordinated by the diocesan Office of Family Ministry. A grant was secured by the office to fund the initial batch of care packages. The ministry’s founder, Samantha Nelson, Paxtyn's sister-in-law, and members of the Nelson family serve in advisory roles.
“When we first moved to Mandan in 2017, I sensed that the Lord was showing me that I needed to do something for those who lose a child,” Samantha said. “I was surprised at the idea because I have never lost a child and didn't really have any connection with that type of loss. However, soon after I had the inspiration, Zach and Paxtyn lost their son. Then it all made sense to me.”
Open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, Samantha reached out to Tara Brooke and Christina Collins in the Office of Family Ministry.
“Tara agreed that our diocese would really like to do something for those who lose a child, and we got started on the ministry right away,” Samantha explained. “I hope that this ministry grows abundantly, by the grace of God, and that it really helps parents who are grieving. I hope that it helps them to talk about their situation and find guidance.”
According to Paxtyn, Max's Mission is an ideal way to console grieving couples in their time of need, and let them know they are not alone.
“This type of ministry is much needed in our diocese,” she said. “When a couple loses a child, they often don't know what to do. They have a lot of questions about how to handle a miscarriage, if and how to baptize their child, and what to do for the funeral. Hopefully, this ministry will help them so they don't feel so lost and overwhelmed.”
Fr. Jadyn Nelson, who serves as President of Bishop Ryan Catholic Schools in Minot, cannot help but agree that God's hand must be at work in this new ministry.
“It is a timely ministry, because for so many years, the Church has been behind the pro-life movement,” Fr. Nelson said. “This ministry will focus a spotlight on the Church's teaching that human life is valuable and created by God, and He desires for it to be respected and treated with dignity. It will also inform grieving parents what the Catholic Church's pastoral practices are in their situation, as well as how the Church can provide God's consolation during times of mourning.”
Looking back, Fr. Nelson is deeply grateful that he was able to be present at the time of Max's death and help bring him home to his Heavenly Father.
“By the grace of God, we were able to baptize Max, and it was such a great consolation to our whole family,” Fr. Nelson shared. “It was such a blessing that I could be there for them.”
The experience also helped Fr. Nelson to see the need for priests to bring God's mercy and compassion to couples who lose a child.
“This situation was a reminder to me of how much families need to have a priest with them during times like these,” Fr. Nelson said. “The fact that I was in the operating room with my sister so I could baptize Max was such a privilege, but it shouldn't be a privilege given only to couples who have a family member who is a priest. It should be the normal practice of the Church for a priest to be present at times like this whenever possible.”
Providentially, there are numerous priests in our diocese and beyond that “have a heart” for parents who mourn, and consider it a privilege to show Christ's love to them amid their pain.
“When parents grieve the loss of a child, I try to let them know that they are not alone, and just try to be there for them,” added Fr. Bill Ruelle, Pastor of St. Patrick's Parish in Dickinson. “We can't fix the problem or talk them out of being sad, but we can just be sad along with them. If the priest is there, then the Church is there, and faith and hope are there, and people need to know that.”
For information on Max’s Mission, contact the diocesan Office of Family Ministry at 701-204-7209.