Is it a sin to attend a wedding in a Protestant church?

As a practicing Catholic, is it a sin to attend a wedding in a Protestant church, and the marriage isn’t being blessed by the Church?

This is a dilemma for many Catholics and what makes it even more problematic is that canon law does not directly and specifically address this issue. Therefore, I would suggest prayerful discernment, a discussion with one’s pastor, and a consideration of the following insights I set forth, having dealt with this issue now for over 20 years as a pastor. It is a sensitive matter and must be addressed on various levels.

First, one can in good conscience go to a wedding of two baptized Protestants in a Protestant church. The Catholic Church recognizes valid sacramental marriages in Protestant denominations because man and woman, not a priest or deacon, make present the sacrament of marriage by giving to one another valid matrimonial consent and consummating the union. Therefore, feel free to attend such a wedding and share in the couple’s joy. Yet, there are times when one should not attend a wedding of two Protestants, namely the wedding of two people of the same sex; when either the man or woman is not baptized; or when there are impediments to a valid sacramental marriage, such as a prior marriage bond. These conditions do not allow for a valid sacramental marriage among Protestants and you would be contributing to public scandal if your presence at such weddings gave your approval and blessing.

Second, one can attend a wedding in a Protestant church if the Catholic party to the wedding received the proper dispensation from form. Normally, Catholic weddings are celebrated in a Catholic church or chapel; are witnessed by an authorized representative of the Church (usually a priest or deacon); and follow the norms for the ceremony set forth in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony. But, for compelling reasons, one may seek a dispensation from one’s local ordinary (usually the bishop) for one or more of these elements of form. Perhaps the bride’s home church is Protestant and because it has so many spiritual and familial connections for her, the Catholic Church may permit the wedding to take place in that church. It could be that having the wedding in a Protestant church may promote family unity or help obtain parental agreement to the marriage, as in cases where a stalwart Protestant refuses to have their child’s wedding take place in a Catholic church. There are other reasons to seek the dispensation from lack of form, but make sure that this was granted before you go to a wedding between a Catholic and a non-Catholic in a Protestant church. If it was granted, you would be witnessing a valid sacramental Catholic marriage. If the dispensation from form was not sought and granted, you should not attend the wedding, because there will be no valid sacramental union to celebrate.

Lastly, and most problematic, are weddings in a Protestant church which occur when one or both Catholic parties to the wedding make this decision because of disagreement with canonical and/or diocesan norms governing marriage in the Catholic Church. Perhaps there was a prior marriage bond and they refused to enter into the annulment process or maybe they did not want to take part in the marriage preparation program, nine months before the wedding. For these and other reasons, they have decided to get married in a Protestant church and want their Catholic family and friends to be in attendance. But, in my opinion, a Catholic cannot attend such a wedding. For one, it is not a sacramental marriage, because they have disregarded the Church’s governance over her sacramental life. This is a scandal unto itself, but then to that, the couple adds the scandal of living in a state of mortal sin, because a non-sacramental marriage is essentially long-term cohabitation. Without valid vows, every conjugal act is not faithful, permanent and exclusive, and is therefore gravely sinful. Thus, the salvation of the man and woman in this relationship may be jeopardized. A faithful Catholic cannot attend such a wedding because this would amount to turning a blind eye to grave sin; our presence at the wedding validates the sin. It would show a lack of loving concern for the couple as well, because marriage outside of Church means one is denied the Holy Eucharist and the sacrament of penance, the sacraments of God’s mercy and charity, so necessary for our salvation.

So, what does one do in this sad predicament? First, be open and honest with the couple. Remind them that you love them and would love to be at their wedding, but they are asking you to violate your conscience and your faith. You simply cannot do this, because your faith does not allow you to set aside divine law regarding the sanctity of marriage. If you refuse to come to the wedding, trust me, they will often reconsider, because they love you as well. I know of many faithful parents and grandparents who refused to attend such weddings and this is what it took for a change of the couple’s hearts and minds. Secondly, offer from your own experience the abundant blessings you have received from your sacramental marriage. In the joys and trials of married life, it has indeed sustained you as you drew from the rich reservoir of graces offered by the sacrament of marriage. Lastly, pray for the couple, that their hearts be open to the great gift of a sacramental marriage; never doubt the power of God’s grace to soften stubborn wills. Why would God deny such a beautiful prayer, because it expresses your deepest desire for happiness for the couple on earth and eternal happiness for them in the glory of the heaven?

Again, in the absence of clear canonical norms on the matter of attending weddings in a Protestant church, I can only offer my own pastoral insights on this difficult matter. They may seem demanding, but they are truly rooted in love. I want couples to thrive in Christian marriage and I have witnessed the holy nature of a sacramental marriage, including that of my own dear parents. Marriage is truly beautiful when Jesus Christ is welcomed on the day of the wedding and every day of married life.

Fr. Benz is pastor at St. Mary in New England and St. Elizabeth in Lefor. If you have a question you were afraid to ask, now is the time to ask it! Simply email your question to [email protected] with the “Question Afraid to Ask” in the subject line.