Keeping hope alive in the midst of infertility

For some married couples, the mere sight of a precious child can bring mixed feelings, and even a sense of angst. As they strive to fulfill their vocation, they long for children, but it just isn't happening. Providentially, God the merciful Father looks down upon their aching hearts and does what He can, through the resources of His Church and the kindness of His people, to help them.
           
Thankfully, our diocese has a genuine concern for those who struggle to conceive. On Monday, Feb. 13 at 6 p.m., “Hannah's Hope” Mass is being offered at the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit for couples having trouble conceiving. The event is being organized by the Office of Family Ministry, with the assistance of Respect Life and Natural Family Planning Coordinator Christie Collins. Registration for the Mass can be found on the diocese website at bismarckdiocese.com/hope. In the future, the diocese would like to build a community of support for those who are struggling with infertility.
           
“Just like Hannah (in the Old Testament) brought her heavy and pleading heart to the Lord in the temple when she was childless, we bring our suffering and the deep desires of our heart to the Lord surrounded by the loving support of our community in the Hannah's Hope Mass,” Christie said. “Infertility is a difficult and often un-acknowledged cross with many spiritual burdens. This Mass is really a chance for all of us to show our support to those who suffer from infertility or secondary infertility, reinforcing in them how integral they and their continued gift of self and suffering are to our community of faith as we lift them up in prayer.”
           
One couple’s story
 
Dr. Scott and Lindsay Cleveland are an example of a couple in our diocese who struggled with infertility, and found Natural Family Planning (NFP) to be of great help along their journey.
           
“When our first child was about 18 months old, we hoped to have a second child, but a year and a half passed without us conceiving,” Lindsay said. "After a year and a half without conceiving, I realized it would be good to ask friends to pray for us. One friend recommended the Creighton Model FertilityCare System (CrMS). I looked into it and found that there were practitioners at our parish. We met with one and began using the CrMS.”
           
A little over four months after they began using CrMS, they were blessed with a healthy pregnancy. The CrMS uses standardized observations and charting of biological markers that indicate when a woman is naturally fertile. The CrMS focuses on just one sign of fertility, namely cervical mucous, and makes fine-grained distinctions between the instances of that sign throughout a woman’s cycle.
           
“I found the detailed focus on just one sign—a sign that did not depend upon maintaining a certain sleep cycle, but only on habitual observations of my body—as well as the regular meetings with our practitioner in order to confirm I was correctly using the model gave me confidence in what I was observing and in knowing I was doing what I could to understand my cycle,” Lindsay commented.
           
CrMS is helpful not only for those with a fertility pattern that is difficult to read, but also for those who have a predictable pattern, but are unable to conceive. The CrMS also enables couples to determine if there is an underlying health problem that is hindering conception and offers solutions.
           
Trusting in God’s timing
 
In light of their struggle, Lindsay and Scott gained helpful spiritual insight along the way.
           
“While achieving pregnancy depends upon both members of a couple, it also depends upon God who creates human souls,” explained Lindsay. “So, it is good for couples to remember that they can and should do their part, but that God’s will and timing may be different than what they desire or pursue. Once I was assured that I was doing all I could do, I found it easier to rest content in the loving and providential care of our Lord and to pray, while continuously asking for the gift of a child, 'not my will, but Thine be done.'”
           
Time and time again, the Clevelands have been grateful for God's answers to their prayers, and the love His people showed them in the midst of their trial.
           
“It was very helpful to share our struggle to conceive with family, friends, and our priest and then to know that they were praying for us,” Lindsay said. “We also discovered that we knew many couples who were also struggling or had formerly struggled to conceive. I found it helpful to be honest with God about the struggle. Spending time in prayer, especially at daily Mass and adoration, enabled me to draw near to God in my sorrow and to receive His love, rather than turning inward and feeling alone.”
           
Scott also had some wisdom to share from a man's point-of-view.
           
“The journey was one of suffering through a long time of uncertainty. There were many potential factors involved and it is daunting to try to judge the relevance of each and address them all,” he said “There is a balance to be struck between, on the one hand, finding a healthy detachment given that complete control over the situation is unreasonable and, on the other hand, avoiding despair and giving up.”
           
Source of peace
 
And, in the end, trusting in God and in their love for one another was the only authentic source of peace for the Clevelands.
           
“There is a common quote that states, 'Pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on you,'” Scott said. “Applied to the case of infertility, I think the first part exhorts us to seek a peaceful trust in God that resigns the situation to Divine Providence. The second part exhorts us to avoid apathy and patiently continue to try to find solutions as far as is reasonable. Also, it is important for a husband to remember to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and that includes suffering with her. While infertility can be a source of tension between spouses, shared suffering can also be an opportunity to grow in love for one another.”

Editor's note: Since this story was published, the Cleveland family welcomed a baby boy to their family on Jan. 9.