Every parent hopes that their son or daughter is academically and socially prepared for the demands of post-secondary education. Beyond this, faithful Catholic parents hope and pray, as well, that their son or daughter is
spiritually prepared for the demands of college life, which can sorely test the faith and morals of a person of faith.
A college student needs grace to meet the challenges to their faith and there is no greater source of grace than that which flows from the Holy Mass. But, what if a son or daughter falls into the habit of not worshipping at Mass? What can a parent do to bring them back to this great font of grace? Prayerfully consider the following means toward this important goal.
First, always remind your sons and daughters that though you want them to succeed in their university studies and their future careers, you want them to succeed in life’s most important goal—the salvation of their souls. I am not sure if parents always have this hierarchy in order and their sons or daughters will pick up on this message. Parents praise their sons and daughters for making the dean’s list; congratulate them when they achieve an advanced degree; or extol them for landing a lucrative job upon graduation. Indeed, hard work and sacrifice should be commended. But, praise should be lavished upon them more so if they are faithful to the Holy Mass; if they are actively involved in their Newman Center or campus chapel; or if they take part in Eucharistic Adoration each week.
If parents show pride in a son or daughter’s secular achievements, but are silent about spiritual matters, then they have told their child what is truly important in life. If they are praised only for worldly success, chances are they will not take the time to praise the Lord at Sunday Mass. Jesus’ words ring true, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate one and love the other or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24).
Second, parents should know that even if they model a devotion to the Holy Mass and encourage their sons and daughters to give their Sundays to the Lord in worship, this message may still fall on deaf ears. So, they need to call upon the support of others in this effort; there is strength in numbers. Parents should contact the Catholic Newman Center or Campus Ministry of the university and give them the name and phone number of their son or daughter, encouraging them to reach out and invite them to the Holy Mass.
Our Catholic universities and Neman Centers at state universities have holy and zealous chaplains; peer ministers; and FOCUS missionaries who will gladly minster to your son or daughter, because they love to share the riches and beauty of our Catholic Faith. Encourage your parish pastor and parish organizations to also reach out to the parish youth who are at college. Care packages at finals or holidays, accompanied by prayers, spiritual resources, and an encouragement to remain faithful to the Lord at Sunday Mass can be a great boost to their faith. Don’t feel you are alone; this is the beauty of being a member of the family of the Church. Your son or daughter has many people who love him/her and are concerned as well about the state of his/her soul.
Lastly, this may take some prayerful introspection and it may be painful, but could parents be responsible for a son or daughter’s lax attitude towards the Holy Mass? For example, did Sunday work, leisure, or travels ever take the place of the Holy Mass? Did the pillow win out on some Sundays over going to Mass? When at Mass, were you engaged and prayerful or were you anxious for Mass to get over so you could get onto “more important things?” Did you often criticize the homilies, the music, the lectoring, or other elements of the Holy Mass, leaving church with no joy, but rather a bitter spirit?
With this in mind, can we really be surprised when our son or daughter becomes lax in his/her attitude toward the Holy Mass? They observed that the Holy Mass was not at the center of our lives; it was not our most treasured gift; it was not our source of joy; and it did not nourish us. Sadly, they have gone one step further and don’t even bother going through the motions. With humility, sit down with them and simply apologize to them with these words: “I wish I had been a better example to you. Please forgive me and know that if I could go back and do it all over again, I would have been a better model of faith and devotion for you at the Holy Mass.”
Such humility rooted in faith can do amazing things; God is able to work with humble people and through them as well. Your humble admission of a renewed love for the Holy Mass can be your son or daughter’s path back to faithful worship.
God bless you parents as you seek to ensure that your son or daughter remains faithful to the Holy Mass while at college. The above means can assist you in this goal, but above all, pray for your son and daughter, especially when you are deep in prayer and worship at the Holy Mass. Don’t forget to entrust your son or daughter to the care of our Blessed Mother as well; it is our great consolation in knowing that no child of Mary is ever lost. God bless you for loving your children so much that the Holy Mass and its fulfillment, the glory of heaven, is your deepest desire for them.
Fr. Benz is pastor of Queen of the Most Holy Rosary in Stanley and St. Ann in Berthhold. If you have a question you were afraid to ask, now is the time to ask it! Simply email your question to [email protected] with the “Question Afraid to Ask” in the subject line.