Father, I have a non-Catholic friend whose mother died and was cremated but not buried. I know this sounds odd, but she keeps her mother’s ashes in her house. How can I speak to her about burying her mother’s remains?
Friendship can be a great means of evangelization and entering into a conversation about burial is an act of great love for your friend (and for her mother). Having a person’s remains is not the same as having some keepsake to remind us of them. Keeping an object like a mother’s prayer book to remember her and pray for her is good and holy, but this is completely different from keeping her ashes.
The Order of Christian Funerals’ appendix on cremation states: “Although cremation is now permitted by the Church, it does not enjoy the same value as burial of the body. The Church clearly prefers and urges that the body of the deceased be present for the funeral rites, since the presence of the human body better expresses the values which the Church affirms in those rites” (no. 413). Additionally, it is essential to note that anytime there is a cremation, the remains need to be buried or entombed.
We shouldn’t be fooled into believing that when a person’s soul departs from their body, that what happens to their body is inconsequential. Great care must be taken to respect the bodies of every person, Catholic or non-Catholic.
Burying the remains of those who have died is one of the seven Corporal Works of Mercy. Just as you would give food to those in need because Christ has taught us to feed the hungry, so too, as a Christian, you should help your friend bury their dead.
The month of November, for Catholics, is a time of remembrance surrounding All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day, during which we give special attention and care to those who have died. The sacred Scriptures give us the finest proof of the care we ought to have for those who have died. For instance, Tobit risked his life to bury the dead (Tob. 1:18-20). The evil King Ahab, because he did evil to the Lord, most unfortunately was not buried but instead the dogs came and licked up his blood. (1Kings 21:19)
Still clearer proof of the value of the bodies of the deceased come from the Gospels. The father of lies, Satan, trying to tempt Jesus, the Author of Life, proposes Jesus throw his own body from the top of the temple (obviously suggesting He kill Himself). Here, we see, without a doubt, where disrespect for the human body is rooted, in the lies and the hatred of the devil.
We know in another place, Jesus, filled with tears, went to visit the dead body of his dear friend, Lazarus. In doing so, He shows us the goodness of visiting and praying near the human body even after death.
St. Joseph of Arimathea is the patron saint of pallbearers and funeral workers because, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he bravely approached Pontius Pilate to request the body of Jesus after He had died and buried Him in His own tomb with the help of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Also, St. Mary Magdalene would abhor the idea of a disrespected dead body…instead, she and the other Mary went early in the morning to anoint the dead body of Jesus. She said, with so much love and devotion, “Show me where you have laid Him and I will take Him.” What amazing love for the dead body of Jesus; thus, she was the first to witness His resurrected body.
Our current pope has frequently referred to humanity’s tendency to become a “throw away culture.” This failure of our current world is blatantly portrayed in the way we discard our bodies once they become sick and die. We have little care for them; we can easily toss it to the wind. Is it any surprise that a culture which fails to recognize the value of the human body while it is fully alive and thriving in the womb of its own mother would also fail to recognize its value once it should be respectfully and lovingly placed in the tomb?