Why do I have to get married in the Catholic Church?

A marriage done properly between a baptized man and a baptized woman is a sacrament. This means that God uses this relationship to make the couple holy and increase the spread of the Church throughout the world.

Let me tell two love stories.

There was a baptized Catholic boy, named Robert, who lived in Bismarck. His parents brought him to Mass occasionally each year and made sure he attended religious education classes at his parish. He made his first confession and first Holy Communion and received the sacrament of confirmation. Since the Catholic faith was not practiced in the home, he grew up with little knowledge of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

During college, he met Sally, a Methodist girl from Minnesota. Her family had a beautiful home on a lake. “Let’s get married at the lake,” she told Robert when they got engaged.

Around year five of their marriage, one of their children became sick causing Robert and Sally to pray together for the first time. When the Lord granted their healing prayer’s request, they decided to start going to Church again. They checked out different churches/faiths including Pro-Cathedral of St. Mary. It was one Sunday there that Robert heard, for the first time, they were supposed to have gotten married in the Catholic Church for them to have a valid marriage.

Story two is of Dawson and Britt who grew up south of Minot—neighbors in fact. It wasn’t until their sophomore year in high school that they started to eye each other. After living long distance for two years following graduation, they decided to have a simple wedding at First Lutheran Church in Minot. Dawson, a non-practicing Episcopalian, didn’t mind since his mother had grown up Lutheran.

Three years later they found themselves attending the Church of the Little Flower. After nine months of going to Mass, they asked the priest what they must do to become Catholic. The next year, they did.

Do you know why Robert and Sally’s so-called marriage is invalid but, in Dawson and Britt’s situation, a true marriage happened?

When we are baptized Catholics as babies, our parents and godparents make a promise before God and God’s people that we will give our hearts to God and His Church. We renew this promise at every Sunday Mass when we pronounce the Creed and receive Communion. By professing to be Catholic Christians, we bind ourselves to the teachings of God and His Church. One of these teachings is that all Catholics are bound to the laws of marriage. A main requirement of marriage is that it must be witnessed by the bishop or someone the bishop has designated (a priest or a deacon).

When Robert and Sally said their vows at the lake, Robert was going against what he had previously bound himself to at Mass and most especially when he was confirmed and received Holy Communion. Therefore, his “I do” to Sally was void, even though he loved her dearly. There was no Church official there sent by the bishop to witness the vows. In fact, Robert didn’t even care at the time.

Why do bishops have a say in this? It is the bishops, the successors of the apostles, who were given the responsibility and authority by Jesus to govern and shepherd the people in their care. Robert is one of them. For Robert and Sally to have a valid marriage in the eyes of God and the Church, they must say their vows before a legitimate official of the Church. This can easily be done with a priest and two other witnesses. Something similar happens on the civil level. In the State of N.D., a couple is not recognized as married unless there is a state official present or someone who has received permission from the state to witness the marriage.

Back to Dawson and Britt. From the time they said their vows in the Lutheran Church, they had a valid sacramental marriage. Though they were baptized, they were not Catholic. Therefore, they were not bound by Catholic law of marriage. When they became Catholic, there was no need for them to say their vows again.

When Jesus established the Church, He gave authority to the apostles and their successors to govern her and keep her organized. Since marriage is such a great gift from God and is sacred, the Church sets up boundaries to keep Jesus’ institution of marriage safe and protected. Before any Catholic chooses to get married, one must talk with a priest and then follow the marriage preparations as laid out in each diocese.

If you or your partner are Catholic and, as a Catholic, have attempted marriage outside the Catholic Church, know the Church wants your relationship to be a valid marriage. Talk with a priest and he can help you make this possible.

Fr. Evinger is pastor of St. Joseph in Killdeer, St. Paul in Halliday and St. Joseph in Twin Buttes. If you have a question you were afraid to ask, now is the time to ask it! Simply email your question to [email protected] with “Question Afraid to Ask” in the subject line.