A “his and hers” conversion story

In their own words…Anthony and Kara Benson explain how their lives were dramatically transformed through prayer and accepting the teachings of Humanae Vitae.
 
A: In the fall of 2015, I had finally told my wife we needed to find her a job because I was leaving. In the middle of this pit of lies, mistrust, borderline infidelity, anger, tears and misery, my conversion story truly begins. 
 
K: Out of complete desperation I began to pray again. Something in me still said God was real and He was my only hope. I would go into the bathroom and shut the door, begging God to fix my husband. Even if it meant he would still be leaving me. I wanted Anthony to be happy. I wanted him to find joy and get away from this horrible darkness that had consumed him. I knew somewhere inside of him was the man I fell in love with. If I was the problem, I would understand. I wrote out my prayer and prayed it each day for almost a month before assuming nobody was listening. As I look back now, I believe somebody truly was listening. 
 
A: On Christmas Eve of 2015, my life changed forever when I finally realized what it was I was missing. I hadn’t been to Mass in years and the times I had gone since my marriage I had not received the Eucharist. The “sacrifice” of the Catholic Mass had no significance to me and looking back I realize that I understood almost nothing about it. As the church pews emptied, I stayed kneeling in silence. Again, there was that sense of hope, of something more. When we eventually returned to Williston, we attended our first church service in years. We went to one of the “mega churches” in town with a live band and numerous projectors.
 
K: I was open to going to any church that Anthony felt was right, but I certainly had the most hesitations with the Catholic Church. My protestant upbringing certainly did not speak highly of Catholicism. Looking back, I realize it was based on a lot of misinformation. Again, my hope grew but I was skeptical that this was a just a temporary phase. Many times, Anthony would get excited about something for a few weeks and eventually move on to something else.
 
A: When I finally sat down in our priest’s office I unloaded my entire story. His response was that he needed to prepare my wife and I for marriage. After six years of marriage, we were going to go through marriage prep! We met weekly for about eight weeks before our convalidation and during this time we were also required to take a natural family planning course. It seemed crazy, but we had nothing to lose. Around the 3rd or 4th week, Father Kovash introduced us to the encyclical by Pope Paul VI called Humanae Vitae. It spoke to our souls.
 
K: I remember the day Father Kovash introduced us to Humanae Vitae like it was yesterday. I had never in my life heard of contraceptives being wrong. I was literally blown away at what I learned that day. I thought to myself, “That is it, I cannot believe it!” Soon after we agreed to throw out all forms of contraceptives and began taking natural family planning seriously.
 
A: A period of abstinence before our convalidation brought such grace to our lives. We learned how to love each other. For me, it was the first time I ever felt I could love properly. We began praying together (starting to pray together was literally the most uncomfortable moments of our life together to date) and reading together in the evenings. We found new ways to be intimate with each other. The more I fell in love with God and understood his love for me, the more I could properly love my wife. 
 
K: While all the changes were great, I was still very hesitant to allow myself to connect to my husband in a deep way again. I was very concerned this was temporary and I knew couldn’t go through the heartbreak again if those feelings turned out to be true. Through our period of abstinence, we were able to see each other as children of God and not just as an object for our own satisfaction. It humbled us both as we attempted to pray together each night, stumbling through the words and the awkwardness. 
 
A: Once our convalidation date was set Father Kovash met with us individually to make sure we each understood what we were doing. I understood that once this convalidation happened I would be bound to my wife for life. I truly did have real hesitations. Just 4 months earlier I wanted nothing more than to run away as fast as I could. I never felt more miserable in all of my life and what if it happened again? What if all of the warm fuzzy feelings we shared now were temporary and went away? I realized this was bigger than what I wanted. It was what God wanted for me (and for us). I eventually said yes. This yes was like being asked to get married for the first time. I knew exactly what I had just agreed to. 
 
K: At the time, I simply viewed our convalidation as renewing our wedding vows. It had an impact on me but the full effect of the experience didn’t set in until later. Hearing my husband
re-commit his life to me once more made me more hopeful and happy than any moment prior. The whirlwind of the last few months seemed surreal during our ceremony. It still felt like a dream, too good to be true. 
 
A: We successfully used natural family planning to avoid becoming pregnant for 3 months. Prayer and charting became regular evening activities. We respected each other and wanted what was best for each other over ourselves. We eventually decided to no longer avoid pregnancy and conceived our third son the following month. 
 
K: We found the missing piece and it was right there all along. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that properly reordering our sexuality changed my life and our marriage in the most amazing and blessed way. I feel like we finally had the utmost respect for each other. We are truly giving ourselves to one another in body, mind and spirit. I understand the true meaning of intimacy! I no longer feel like just a body, I feel a purpose for being the woman that God created me to be. Being open to life means each sexual act has the potential to bring another beautiful blessing into the world. I consider this nothing less than a miracle. I can proudly say that because of the church’s teaching regarding our sexuality, we have been set free. We no longer believe the lie that the sexual act is just about our pleasure and convenience. We have finally correctly ordered our sexuality the way God intends it to be.
 
A: My wife was received into the Catholic Church the following spring and we continue to grow in our faith each day. His church gives us the “rock” to steady ourselves on during the storms we endure in this life. For that, we are eternally grateful. 
 
K: Deciding to become Catholic was a rather easy decision after all of the grace it poured into our lives. I chose my husband to be my sponsor. The transformation of his soul taught me so much of what it means to be a faithful Christian. Without him I would have never found the truth of Catholicism. I thank God for the gift of marriage and love. I am forever grateful for His Church and for guiding us to the right people and tools to find his unrelenting mercy and love.