Considering death as a gift

Death is inevitable. Yet, people tend to fear it.
 
In Monica Hannan’s family, death was never discussed. When death was even breathing down her father’s neck, still, even the hint of the topic was treated like a ghastly faux pas.
 
The television journalist and parishioner of Cathedral of the Holy Spirit, shared in her new book, Gift of Death: A Message of Comfort and Hope, that her father had a lifelong habit of narrowly escaping death. It was a habit, inevitably broken at the age of 86 with a string of ailments including congestive heart failure. 
 
His death brought out Hannan’s investigative instincts. Her thought was, why not learn more about it rather than fear it? The book, Gift of Death, is the result. It draws on many personal experiences and those of others, some theology, and interviews with many medical professionals and priests from the Bismarck Diocese. 
 
Death is a part of life
 
Msgr. Thomas Richter, pastor of Cathedral of the Holy Spirit, often comforts people as they are dying.  “God wants us to feel comfort, hope, strength, faith,” he said in the book. “Those thoughts are from Him. The thing that isn’t from God in those moments is fear.” When fear threatens to take hold, Msgr. Richter tells people to cling to Christ who will redeem us. And when a person’s illness drains their confidence, he asks loved ones whose heart is with God, to comfort the dying with the assurance of God’s love and mercy.
 
Although every major religion believes in the afterlife, in the United States, we seem to fear it more than people in other countries do. Msgr. James Shea, president of University of Mary, shared that when he was in Rome working in a pediatric hospital, there wasn’t the solemnity that we tend to bring to it here.
 
“We’ve sort of programmed ourselves to think that all suffering is bad and we see death as a disease,” he said. He pointed out that we already live in the spiritual world, but just don’t usually see it. “Death isn’t traveling; it’s awakening to what’s all around us.”  
 
In 1994, when he was a freshman in college, Msgr. Shea personally experienced the unexpected death of his four-year-old brother, Matthew. Although there was great sadness and grieving over it, he explained that death did not end the special relationship he had with his little brother. He often feels Matthew’s presence in his life. “It’s not a matter of belief for me,” Msgr. Shea said. “It’s a matter of knowledge.”
 
The moment of death
 
Hannan interviewed hospice workers and medical professionals who believe that patients often choose the moment of their death. She was not referring to euthanasia which is always wrong, but rather that people often hang on long enough to accomplish a task, wait for a loved one, or wait for an anniversary or special day.
 
“The desire of the dying to take care of loved ones is a common theme that hospice workers hear,” Hannon wrote. “They tell story after story of people who hang on to life, waiting for reassurance, and sometimes they know more than the doctors do.”  She shared the story of a North Dakota couple, Bill and Ida Seuss, who followed a very regimented routine, and somehow, Ida must have known that her death was imminent when for the first time in more than 50 years of marriage, she varied her routine, changing laundry day so that Bill’s clothes were ready the morning she died unexpectedly.
 
Hannan also reported that there is evidence that at the moment of death, someone comes for us. “Almost everyone who can articulate at the end of their life, sees someone who’s coming for them or greeting them,” according to Wendy Rambaugh who worked as a nurse for 18 years; eight of them with hospice. She stated that often in the days before a person’s death, they will have conversations with loved ones who have gone before them.
 
“Hundreds of people have told me this, and though they worry that people will think they’ve lost their minds, they take great comfort in it.” Rambaugh noted that even people who don’t believe in God will report the same experience and change their mind about an after-life before they die.
 
Near-death experiences
 
Near-death experiences fascinate people and are a popular topic of best-selling books and movies. Hannan noted that there is too much evidence and too many reports to brush these experiences off.  She told the story of her Aunt Isabel who went out for dinner one night, but ended up in the hospital as the result of a burst aneurysm. Her aunt later described not only what was going on in her room and the care she received, but accurately reported what had been going on in the next room as well even though she was unconscious at the time. 
 
“At some point during that night, perhaps during surgery, perhaps before, Isabel had what has become known as a classic near-death experience,” Hannan wrote. “She saw the white light and the tunnel and had the sense of traveling. She felt peace in her surroundings and was given a choice. She could stay or she could go. She said afterward that she wanted very much to go toward the light, but in the end, she fought her way back because there were so many people depending on her—her husband and her five young children.” After the experience, Ida, like others who have this sort of experience, no longer had a fear of death. 
 
Msgr. Patrick Schumacher, diocesan Director of Continuing Education for Clergy and Pastor of the Church of St. Wenceslaus in Dickinson explained that in addition to personal near-death experiences, are the experiences of people in the room when a person’s soul leaves their body. “Families who have been at the bedside have reported to me that they’ve seen a blue light at the moment of a loved one’s death,” he said. While some people come up with explanations to explain away a person’s near-death experiences, he noted that it’s hard to dismiss loved ones around a bed all witnessing the same thing such as a blue light, or a mist or a spiritual presence. 
 
These widespread personal experiences support the belief that death does not separate us from one another. Fr. Paul Becker, pastor of Corpus Christi in Bismarck, often sees a number of fears when he comforts people preparing for death. Death according to him has multiple dimensions from the physical, emotional, social, mental or spiritual. 
 
He tries to help others see that the things they are worried about are in God’s care.  What’s needed, he said, is trust. “I remind people that whatever they think they can describe about heaven, about God, is probably wrong. We’re too limited. We just know it will be good.”
 
Hannan’s book is available for $14.99 at Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com or on her website at monicahannan.com. She is also available for public speaking events by emailing her at [email protected].