Discover peace after abortion

A woman who journeyed from the shame and guilt of abortion to forgiveness now pays it forward in a ministry for women like herself.

Tanya Humphreys is lead facilitator for Discover Peace in Minot, a program of the Dakota Hope Clinic, that helps women find redemption for one of the darkest periods of their lives. 

“Our mission is to reach and rescue as many women as possible through healing them from past abortions through small groups, visible truths and discussions,” Tanya explained.

She was introduced to the program when she attended a banquet sponsored by Dakota Hope Clinic six years ago.

“The guy speaking was talking about abortions a lot and I sat and cried through the whole banquet.” A slide for the Discover Peace program was featured. Seeing how it affected her,
Tanya's husband urged her to join, but she wasn't ready. She added, “When you've had an abortion, it's not something you really want to admit to.”
 
Six months later, Tanya was spurred to try a spring class she found listed in the paper. “I was really grieving from seeing it at the banquet. When I went into the program, the woman who led it said she had never seen someone so angry. I was 22 years out of the abortion, and I had never spoken about it at all."

Over six to eight weeks, participants learn healing and forgiveness by telling their painful, personal stories, journaling, reading Scripture and completing assignments.

“It was something I was so ashamed of. I was hurt. I was broken. I was angry. I didn't realize how much it was ruining my life," Tanya said. "It ruins relationships. I was guilty. It was horrible.”

Many women suffering from the trauma of abortion prove vulnerable to drugs and alcohol addictions, eating disorders, depression, promiscuity, and experience anxiety, anger, grief and moodiness, she said.

Telling her story

The Discover Peace class allowed her to open up immediately. “The more you share, the more you heal. The more you journal and do the work, the more you heal. It changed me and my relationship with God.”

She said it’s important to note that everybody’s story is different.

"I had been forced into my abortion by my parents and by the man. I had already forgiven my parents. I think they did what they thought was best. But I had never, ever, forgiven the man and I had never forgiven myself,” Tanya explained.

She was reminded that God forgave mankind when He died on the cross for all our sins.

“Knowing I was going against what God wanted for us by not forgiving myself was huge. So, finding that in Scripture, being with other women who were going through the same thing as I was helped tremendously. Knowing that I had struggled for 22 years, and the hurt that I had for all those years, is just so unfair.”

Tanya said the Discover Peace program changed her life completely. “I felt like I was about 1,000 pounds lighter. My relationships with my children were better. I don't feel the need to keep it a secret anymore.”

She wants to share her story now. “I want people to realize that everybody has the right to feel that they are worthy of God’s love, God’s grace and they are forgiven no matter what they have done. They would have to accept it.”

She added, “We need to stop talking negatively about women who have had abortions. We do not know what the circumstances were. Everybody commits sin. We need to stop judging people. That’s for God to do.”

Getting the word out

She said the word needs to get out there about programs like Discover Peace that offer healing so more women who are suffering can be helped.

"The more we talk negatively about these people, the more women are shoving it down and, not feeling worthy, they don’t seek help. They feel that they can't be helped. They need to feel they can be helped. The more I talk about it, the more people will come up to me and say, ‘I know how you feel.’ That is their way of saying, ‘I did it too.’”

Abortion is not a word that anybody should use especially as a “solution” to a perceived problem, something she emphasizes to youth at churches. “If you have a friend who gets pregnant, you give them support,” she said. “If one person had told me: ‘I am with you, you got this,’ I never would have done what I did.”

She describes the Discover Peace program as a ministry and a calling. “I am not proud that I had an abortion, but I am proud of what I am doing for these women. I am proud that I can save babies.” 

Finding healing and forgiveness means participants need to be grounded in the faith of their affiliation. Tanya has invited participants to join her at her church when she is aware they aren’t attending one. “Just having a relationship with God is usually healing for most people.”

Class agenda

Each Discover Peace class, offered in Minot, opens with prayer and then a different topic each week.

“One week it might be on forgiveness or shame and guilt. These are all big things. Then, they have homework to do. The first one is we tell our story. I always tell my story right away. Then it’s their chance to share. Some share right away the first night. Some don’t. It depends on when they are ready to share. Usually when one person starts sharing, others will share. The more they share, the easier it is to heal.”

Women in Discover Peace often express to Tanya how thankful they are for her guidance and help with follow up texts. She was even approached by a man whose late wife had an abortion and he had been unable to forgive her. “He needed healing because his wife had an abortion, and he couldn't believe she had done that.”

Tanya explained to him how his wife couldn't talk about it with him, but she needed his forgiveness, and he never gave it to her. “We even need forgiveness from our family. Even if they weren't part of our life at that time,” she said.

A significant part of the healing is memorializing the children the women didn't give birth to through a special service. “We name our children. We let go of balloons. We have them do some sort of craft or a drawing, something to memorialize that baby,” she said. “When we have an abortion, we don't get to memorialize the baby. We don't get to grieve that baby.”
 
She gave Christmas ornaments for a recent class. One grateful woman thanked her, saying that this was the first time she had something on her Christmas tree representing her baby and said her baby was with her that Christmas.

Personalized classes

The Discover Hope group meets once a week for two to three hours, depending on class numbers and how much they choose to share. She added that not everybody fits the same mold so to speak. “I'm finding that some of these ladies need more than just the six weeks.
Some of the time, it’s one-on-one with them, but most of the time it’s in a group,” she said. “It really helps healing when you hear what other women are going through. Yet, they can
heal with just me and them talking.”
 
She meets individually with program participants before the class setting to determine if they are ready for the group or if they should meet one-on-one instead. Class members sign a confidential waiver assuring no one discusses the class location, what is discussed, who attends. Participants should be mindful of their schedule to be able to devote the time, Tanya explained. To heal, they need to focus and do the homework for Discover Peace.

Tanya has furthered her education and is drafting a second class to continue on-going support of the original class. The 27-year cosmetologist has trained to be a mental health therapist just to be her best for her classes and those who attend. The original class is prewritten through Heartbeat International known as the Healing Effects of Abortion Related Trauma, HEART.

She commends women who step forward, outside their comfort zone and confront a past trauma.

"They are very courageous to get involved with this. I always tell them that. I tell them how proud I am of them for stepping out," Tanya said of Discover Peace members.

Tanya became a facilitator because Discover Peace changed her life. Now, she’s witnessing the program changing others’ lives.

Classes are free and confidential. A new class began in late January, and another is scheduled to start Monday, Feb. 27. Classes are held in Minot with the specific location disclosed only to those registered. For information about joining the Discover Peace program, visit dakotahope.org/events. Tanya’s office number is 701-852-4675 or the confidential text line is 978-705-3421 or she can be reached at [email protected].