Focusing on the Scripture

Aging can ebb one’s senses and functions. For Fr. Jerry Kautzman, 88, resident of the Emmaus Place in Bismarck, time has dimmed his eyesight with macular degeneration.
 
Yet, he still leads a full life in retirement.
 
The Diocesan priest has dealt with the condition’s effects for the past 18 years. He retired from full parish life at age 70 after 41 years of service to the Bismarck Diocese.
 
"I am able to still say Mass. There are days when I still fumble around a little bit, particularly when I read the scriptures. My eyes have narrowed to the point if there is a longer word, I only see part of it at one time,” he said.  I have to go slowly in proclaiming the Gospel.”
 
Kautzman splits his time throughout the week, celebrating Mass at either the St. Gabriel's Community nursing home and at Marillac Manor.
 
Special lighting is provided for him at the altar and podium and he must carefully study the daily changes in the Mass before it starts.
 
“I use only the Eucharistic Prayer II because I have it almost memorized. I know what it is,” he commented.
 
"It's a delight. I go to older people my age. They are very prayerful people. They're an inspiration. And I really enjoy saying Mass because I know I am not doing it alone. I know they are with me in offering the Mass and offering the prayers.”
 
He added, "Sometimes, I don't even feel handicapped, but I am.” He cannot distinguish people's faces clearly and warns them he may not recognize them in the future. “I always have to ask, 'You are who?’”
 
“It does hinder my reading—the newspaper, the books I want to read. He has enrolled in the talking books program through the North Dakota State Library. A special device provided for him can advance and pause the book he wants to hear to his discretion.
 
A near collision with a motorcycle on the highway forced Kautzman to give up driving seven years ago. That proved the most difficult for him.
 
"It frightened me. I realized I had to give up my car. ... I think that is one of the biggest challenges there is for those who have macular degeneration," he said. "What I realized was I could kill somebody… When that happened, I said I have to quit, let go of my car. Because if I ever killed somebody, that would be on my conscience the rest of my life. It's easier to give up the car than to have that sort of thing."
 
Kautzman is a native of the Bluegrass area of North Dakota in Morton County, not much more than a post office northwest of New Salem when it existed. His farming family later moved to the Judson area.
 
He was ordained a diocesan priest in 1959.
 
Call to the priesthood
 
His decision to become a priest came from a "quiet voice inside him," according to Kautzman. It was his idea. His parents backed him when he first mentioned it to them in high school, but he felt no pressure from them. Yet, his rural school background caused him to question whether he could tackle the academic requirements. Support of family, friends, the Bismarck Diocese and his faith saw him through.
 
He grew up at the height of the Dust Bowl. "I remember the dust. I remember the grasshoppers. I remember mom chasing us out to the garden with white
towels to chase the grasshoppers away. She had an irrigated garden."
 
After graduating from New Salem High School, he taught at a country school for two years for the Judson School District after being issued a teaching certificate from the state of North Dakota.
 
Word somehow got to Bishop Lambert Hoch that Kautzman wanted to try the seminary. Hoch found financial backing for his education.
 
Kautzman, a rural farm boy, had never traveled east of Bismarck before the seminary, but words from his mom gave him the courage to follow through. "She said, 'Listen, if you find this is not your way, your call, you come right home. You will always be at home here.' That secured it, " Kautzman said.
 
He began at Crosier Seminary School in central Minnesota to help him catch up with foreign language studies in Latin and Greek.
 
His confidence grew that being a priest was the right vocation. After three years at Crosier, Kautzman advanced to earn a bachelor of arts degree in philosophy and to minor in Latin and education at St. Mary's College in Winona, Minn. He earned a theology degree from St. Thomas Seminary in Denver.
 
"When I realized I could handle the courses of studies, then more and more the vocation idea grew and eventually I was ordained.”
 
For the love of the Mass
 
Kautzman also notes he used to be somewhat introverted for a profession that required daily public speaking.
 
"The very first time I had to get up in front of a big church full of people and give a sermon, I was petrified. ...You realized you had to go through it. You had to have that experience. You had to have that fear. St. Paul says that.”
 
Celebrating Mass helped him overcome his fear of public speaking. “I did it because I love celebrating Mass. It's my favorite thing to do. Now, I have come to love preaching. …I just wanted to serve in parishes. That was my main attraction," he said.
 
Kautzman taught for a total of 17 years at Trinity High School in Dickinson, Ryan High School in Minot and St. Mary's High School in Bismarck. In that period, he also served in surrounding parishes near the larger cities as a pastor. He was also a parish priest for St. Joseph's Parish in Mandan for eight years between the mid 1970s to early 1980s.
 
Kautzman later went on to serve at some smaller parishes and then was assigned to Queen of Peace Church in Dickinson for 12 more years.
 
Kautzman first noticed symptoms of the macular degeneration 30 years ago. While living in Dickinson symptoms of eye failure became more obvious. A specialist diagnosed Kautzman with both dry and wet forms of macular degeneration. The first means retina cells are dying and wet macular degeneration means there is a bleeding behind the retina cells, causing them to bulge and cause vision distortions. Doctors have been able to slow the latter with an injection to the eye. Little can be done to correct the dry form of the disease.
 
"People have been very good to me. I've had people say, ‘if you need a ride, call me.’ My brother, my priest brothers here, friends say, ‘just give me a call.’”
 
Concentrating on the Scripture
 
He gets to say Mass every day. "I'll say Mass as long as I can. When I can't read anymore,
then of course I won't. What I'll have to do then is concelebrate with somebody else.”
 
He is frank about his limitations. “It's a challenge. Any handicap is a challenge.”
 
He said his prayer and faith has helped him along with this obstacle in his life. He also credits the eye specialists. A caring group of priests also help him cope with the experience.
 
"The people who know I have a visual problem are very supportive," he added. "They are very kind. So good.”
 
Prayer helps him cope as well and he offers the challenges up to God.
 
Although, he says Mass daily, Kautzman said the schedule proves much lighter than that of full-time parish priest or educator. He is grateful for a full life.
 
"What inspires me, particularly at St. Gabriel's and Marillac is I see people in wheel chairs. I see their handicaps. Some of them are visually handicapped. Some of them haven't walked for years. And, I say to myself, ‘I am blessed.’ Besides that, as you grow older, you have
to come to the realization that life is going to come to an end. You take that to prayer. You ask the Lord because you know He is always walking with you, especially on the days when things are tough,” he reflected. “The Lord has really carried me with so many things. I just want to tell them who the Lord is and open your heart to him.”
 
He recommends people take good care of their eyes and to let the optometrist take care of the eyes whatever the diagnosis.
 
"As you continue with your life's journey and realize there are issues with your eyes, get help," he advised.