How do I pray for my enemies?

It is true that we must pray for our enemies. Jesus himself said, “love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father…” (Matthew 5:44-45). If we want to be faithful Christians, we must love and pray for our enemies.
 
This is very hard to do. If someone has hurt us, and especially if they continue to hurt us, the last thing we are inclined to do is to love and to pray for them. Instead, we often become angry. The problem with such anger is that it can only hurt the one who is angry. In fact, it is often a sin on our part, as Jesus explained: “… if you are angry with your brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment” (Matthew 5:21-22).
 
So, how can we proceed to obey the Lord’s command? Before I offer some suggestions, let us recall a few definitions. “To love” does not mean “to have affectionate feelings for.” Rather, it means “to will the good of the other,” to choose what is best for someone else. Likewise, the word “pray” does not mean we like the one we’re praying for, it simply means “to ask.” With those in mind, here are a few recommendations. 
 
First, we should reconcile with God, which is always possible, and with our enemy, which is not. If our anger is sinful, we ought to seek out God’s mercy in the sacrament of reconciliation, repeatedly if necessary. This will be a great help. If temptations to anger linger even after confession, as they often do, the solution is to continue to pray, to ask God for further help. A brief prayer, such as “God, help me to love them the way you love them,” can help with this.
 
Next, we must actually love our enemy. Again, this does not mean we like them. Rather, it means we choose to do something for their good. Choosing to pray for them is one way for us to love them. As we pray, remember that we need not be specific in what we ask of God. While we might want to, we should not pray something like “God, please give them a terrible disease and let them suffer!” We should also not be insincere, praying something like “God, please bless my enemy with long life and happiness.”
 
Instead, put it into God’s hands and pray something like this: “God, give them whatever it is they need to be in your grace,” and “do not let them die in mortal sin.” After all, if someone, or some group, really does hate us and seek to hurt us, they are sinning. It is in their best interest to stop. They should not meet God at their particular judgments with such anger on their hearts. 
 
How will God answer such a prayer? He might, in fact, allow an enemy of ours to contract a disease, if it will lead to their conversion and repentance. Or, he may let them see how Christians “turn the other cheek” when we are struck, how we have joy in the midst of hardship, and bring about their conversion in that manner. The point is, we don’t have to worry about it.  urn it over to God and let Him give an enemy what they truly need.
 
This advice comes from personal experience. There was a time when I was struggling to forgive. I was angry and could not get over it. A spiritual director told me to pray a rosary and to offer two prayers before every single bead. The first prayer was to help me overcome my anger, and it was something like this: “God, help me to love them the way you love them.” The second prayer was for the benefit of those who had hurt me, and it was this: “God, give them whatever they need to come back to you.” I prayed that rosary for quite some time, and it really did help.
 
Fr. Signalness is pastor of Queen of the Most Holy Rosary in Stanley and St. Ann in Berthhold. If you have a question you were afraid to ask, now is the time to ask it! Simply email your question to [email protected] with the “Question Afraid to Ask” in the subject line.