Not always the most wonderful time of the year

Think about the classic Christmas song, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. In it, we sing about “parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and caroling out in the snow” and how “hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near!” We dream of a perfect Christmas, but do life and the world get in the way?

Instead of enjoying this time, do you find yourself driving around town fighting traffic and other shoppers searching to find the perfect gift? Or, are you franticly cleaning before the relatives and company arrive? You might be rushing to the store for groceries, baking for days or weeks ahead, and cooking for hours on Christmas Day. These things can all lead us to lose the joy in Christmas. Money can also be a big problem during the Christmas season; and the cold and dark North Dakota winters can make it even worse.

Some people find Christmas to be the toughest time of the year for different reasons. When everyone else is getting together with loved ones, what about those who don’t have anyone? Some will feel an intense sense of loss and grief, like the new widow or widower who just lost a spouse. Even years later, the holidays can be very difficult for those grieving for loved ones who have passed away. 

If you or someone you know would like someone to talk with, Catholic Charities North Dakota now provides counseling services in Bismarck, Minot, and New England. Therapist Tami Christianson has years of experience working with children, families and the aged. Most recently Christianson was the social worker, bereavement counselor and volunteer coordinator for home health and hospice in Dickinson. She received her bachelor’s degree from Minot State University and her Master’s in Social Work from the University of North Dakota. Tami and her husband live in New England where they farm and ranch. She has two adult children, one in Bismarck and one in Minot, and three grandchildren. 

We are often pressured to feel merry and bright this time of year, but many will feel isolation and loneliness instead. Remember, it’s ok to feel what you feel. If you don’t feel as happy as you think you should, don’t fight it. Here are a few ideas to get some relief from the holiday blues. 

Seek the sun and endorphins. Be sure to get at least 20 minutes of sun each day and don’t forget to exercise. Both sunlight and exercise can help alleviate chemical causes. 

Create your own traditions. You don’t have to do what you have always done for the holidays. If old traditions bring up unhappy memories, try starting some new ones. 

Stay busy and avoid unstructured time. If you know the holidays are going to be difficult for you, plan ahead and minimize your difficult feelings. Try to fill your calendar with fun events. 

Take stock in the positive things in your life. When you are focused on the blessings in your life, the things that bring you down will fade in comparison.

Help someone else. It’s hard to feel down while you are busy helping someone else. Spend time visiting an elderly family member or neighbor. Bake treats for someone. 

Get involved. Many parishes have gift trees where you can pick out a present for a child in need or provide gift boxes you can fill up and ship to foreign countries. You can bring joy to children across the world just like Santa Claus! 

Go caroling. Build a snowman. Watch an old holiday movie. Do something fun or silly!
Consider changing your gift plans. Does Dad really need another tie or sweater? This Christmas, consider a gift that keeps on giving, gives back to others or helps those in need.

If these suggestions are not helping, please talk to someone. Remember that Tami Christianson is a licensed social worker with years of experience currently providing counseling for individuals, couples, and families through Catholic Charities North Dakota. Most insurances are accepted and Catholic Charities offers a sliding fee scale. All appointments can be scheduled through the Bismarck office at 701-255-1793. 

Don’t hesitate to call for help if you are having a difficult time this holiday season, and as Tiny Tim says in A Christmas Carol, “God Bless us, everyone!”

Catholic Charities North Dakota’s programs include Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services, the Adults Adopting Special Kids (AASK) program, Counseling Services and Guardianship Services. Catholic Charities has offices in Minot, Bismarck, Grand Forks  and Fargo and last year impacted the lives of over 7,000 people across the state. For more information, call 701-235-4457 or 1-800-450-4457 or visit CatholicCharitiesND.org.