Staying Catholic in college

In a recent homily Fr. Robert Shea described a crisis of faith among Americans. The St. Wenceslaus pastor stated that for every person who converts to Catholicism seven people leave.

While people from all walks of life can decide to abandon their Catholic faith for various reasons it’s important to note that one of the most vulnerable times in the faith life of a Catholic is when he or she departs home for college. As bleak as Fr. Shea’s statistic sounds, all is not lost. The diocesan faithful can work together to retain the college-aged students in our diocese while making the diocesan faith community stronger in the process.   

Some college students may be tempted to have a minimalist approach to their faith life, or some may even decide to abandon their faith all together during their college years. New-found independence, away from the parents and the comforts of home, a hectic class and activity schedule, can sometimes lead individuals in college to be less than diligent about attending Mass and receiving the sacrament of reconciliation. To help college students and their friends and family members work together to combat some of these obstacles that may arise, Fr. Robert offered insight and ideas. (Responses edited for clarity.)

How would you recommend college students obtain or maintain the motivation to attend Mass when we feel like we are too busy or have other priorities?

I would recommend that they re-prioritize their life. There are things in this life that are temporal and passing (pretty much everything...certainly many if not most of the things on which a college student spends a whole lot of their time and energy), and there are few things in this life that are eternal—the most important of which is their eternal soul. When the priority between those two becomes confused, sickness quickly ensues. Colleges spend a lot of time encouraging students to be healthy and make healthy decisions. We’re obsessed with health. There’s a lot of focus, and rightly so, on mental health and physical health. What’s often forgotten though is that our bodies and minds aren’t the only things that can become sick and suffer...so can our souls. This spiritual sickness is often just left undiagnosed. But it’s very real and can be very deadly. Gladly, there’s a treatment for it—and you don’t even need your parent’s health insurance to access it. Prioritize God and care for the health of your eternal soul through Mass, confession, and prayer.

What advice would you have for a friend or family member who wants to aid a college student to strengthen or regain their faith life but not to be perceived as too pushy?

It is important, really important, that families don’t “helicopter” their children at college. To do so severely stunts any chance for real growth during that time. That being said, on your tour of the college or during move-in day, be sure to visit the Catholic Newman Center or campus/university ministry center with your child. What’s also important to continue the earlier analogy of holistic health—soul, mind, body—is that if your child reaches out and they’re really struggling (as they will)...in your care for them, ask them about their spiritual health. How’s their soul? Pray with them on the phone. Don’t be afraid of this. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just ask Mary to help your child in their struggle and pray a Hail Mary together. Encouraging them to go to Mass, confession, and prayer—especially in the midst of their biggest college struggles—isn’t necessarily being pushy, it’s just giving good, practical advice. An alternative, I suppose, is just offering empty platitudes, e.g., “Everything will be OK. You’ve got this!”—while perhaps comforting, I’ve never found those to be particularly helpful or practical.

A college student may encounter, through their coursework, a position on a social issue such as abortion or same-sex marriage that contradicts Catholic Church teaching which may tempt them to no longer follow their Catholic faith. What would you say to them?

The convincing that needs to happen is foremost a conversion of mind and heart on those social issues you mention. Yes, that requires an encounter with the living God, which is most likely to happen through the practice of their faith in the sacraments and prayer. It also requires those beliefs being challenged by you courageously speaking the truth in love. Don’t let fear of “rocking the boat” keep you from doing this—if you speak the truth of these issues to your child with love, it’s God Who will act. God needs your voice, though. If we surmise, “Well, at least my child’s still going to church,” as their misguided beliefs go left unchallenged, a great danger is that one ends up reshaping God into their own image (cafeteria Catholicism), instead of being continually re-shaped more and more into His Image (real conversion). The former leads to oxymorons, things such as “pro-abortion Catholics.” The truth is that it is simply impossible to be in full communion with the Church while taking a position on the issues you mention which are diametrically opposed to the Church’s most basic moral teaching on the dignity of the human person and life.

Through conversations with students of other faiths, a Catholic student may discover, for the first time, that other faiths do not require some things such as: fasting and abstinence during Lent, Mass obligations, confession at least once a year. How would you recommend a friend or family member go about reinforcing the importance of these rituals to our faith?

Those observances and rituals of faith first need to be practiced at home or they almost certainly won’t be when your child goes to college. If you faithfully and joyfully made these a part of your child’s life in grade school, throughout middle school, and in their high school years... then you’ve done everything you can to reinforce their importance and set your child up to live them out faithfully and joyfully during their college years. If you haven’t done that throughout those years, then ask both God and your child for forgiveness. Then begin making it a part of your life, offering those observances up, as you do them, for your child and for their faith.

College students do not have a lot of free time. What are some recommendations for how college students can be active parishioners under limited time constraints?

I believed a fun lie during my college years that I think most people do at that stage in their life is: “I can’t wait to be done with all these classes, papers and projects. I’m so busy right now! I’ll have so much time when I finally get a job and can start working full-time.” Oh, how foolish we are in youth! College students have more free time now than they’ll probably have for the next 50 years of their life. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old-self, he wouldn’t get a word of sympathy about how busy he is—more likely, I’d encourage him to put SOME effort into his time-management (starting by getting off Myspace and MSN Messenger—the social media must-haves of my age—so he could connect better with friends). Then, I’d tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and spend more time with Jesus in prayer so that I could save myself from a lot of needless, self-imposed heartache and wandering in those coming years. I’d also sheepishly tell my 18-year-old-self that it’s 2002 and baggy clothes went out of style in the 90s...

Are there activities that friends and family members can do with a college student to aid them in being active parishioners, while strengthening their own faith as well?

Pray the rosary as a family. Mother Mary is second to none in protecting a child from venturing beyond God’s grace in college. Pray the rosary together while your child is growing up, pray it for your child while he or she is at college, and pray it together with your child when he or she is back home from college. Mary is wonderful, and the family rosary is just the best.

Many college campuses, whether faith-based or secular, have ministry options for students to remain strong in their faith. Perhaps it’s inevitable that nearly every college student questions the importance of their Catholic faith at some point. However, most come to realize, later, that it caused unnecessary anguish with time and energy better spent on embracing their faith to help strengthen the health of their soul. What must remain constant is the love and support of family and friends—who, in turn, can take the opportunity to strengthen their own faith and the diocese faith community.